View the latest Q & A/Interview with Dr.Lindsay & Gareth Warren at this link below!
Worth The Wait Revolution Chronicles…a Blog
View the latest Q & A/Interview with Dr.Lindsay & Gareth Warren at this link below!
I recently reconnected with a gentleman who has made some very good changes in his life. (We are a long distance relationship. I am overseas.) I do understand that he just started getting himself together a couple of years ago, so he may need time to think about things like his purpose etc. Do I wait for him to play catch up just because I know he’s a good guy with a good heart? Or, do I trust that God has a Mr. Right ready and waiting to meet me and I don’t have to wait for my former Mr. Wrong to get right? How did you know that your hubby was the one?
I think time will tell, but also…follow the peace of God. Look at his fruit. Is he demonstrating fruit that is headed in a godly, purposeful direction? We can’t judge a thing before its time, but we can examine the fruit. Look for evidence of the fruit of the Spirit, but also evidence of the fruit of the repentance and change.
With my husband, God revealed to me his heart and his true love for Him. God showed me his motives and intentions. The Lord showed me that most men will develop and mature to a certain predetermined place but a virtuous woman shows up in their lives to challenge and push certain things she perceives by the spirit of God. Now, I’m not saying that you need to be his mamma and raise him again. (Foolishness). I am saying that complimenting him with your strengths is a good thing.
So,with that said…follow the peace of God. Though he might not be perfect, he may be the perfect fit for you? Furthermore, he might not come off as this ‘super mature’ man of God, like your Pastor or whoever, but his heart may be perfect before God, qualifying him to be all the God has called him to be. Look at David…he was passed over in the line up because of his appearance and inexperience, but he was the one that God anointed to be king. (But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”) 1 Samuel 16:7
Furthermore, once you are face to face with him again, it will all be very clear. Let patience have her PERFECT WORK. (James 1:4)
Now, if you don’t see good fruit and you don’t have peace and can’t really rest at night dealing with him….move on. Stop wasting your time.
It takes real maturity to be able to maintain a courtship/engagement relationship with someone while endeavoring to maintain a totally committed love relationship with Jesus Christ. When you are growing in love with someone, I think it’s very important to never leave your first love (Revelation 2:4). The Lord is our first love. Honestly, I had to consistently remind myself to keep first things, first. The excitement of courting, dating, talking, and preparing for intimacy, can cause your heart to shift. At times I had to remind myself not to worship the creation, but the creator. I was so excited about Gareth and our time of coming together that I had to check myself. Was I excited about going to church to hear the Word? Or, was I excited about coming to church because he was going to be there and we were going to have a date night afterwards? I had to constantly guard my heart and maintain the proper focus. I encourage you to do the same. Enjoy the journey, enjoy the relationship, but don’t allow it to consume you. The Lord wants us to be happy and enjoy the process, but I think we need to be cautious about not allowing marriage (and all of its glamour) to become an idol. I certainly desired to be married and wanted Gareth to be my husband, but I had to make sure I had no other ‘gods’ in my life. Exodus 20:3 clearly states, “You shall have no other gods before Me.” I was not going to worship the idea of marriage and make it a ‘god’ in my life. Unfortunately, when people are not walking in real maturity this temptation is difficult to resist. Consequently, they can be easily caught up in the excitement of the moment and not heed God’s voice when He challenges them to slow down, break-up or even re-evaluate the relationship. Courtship and engagement require maturity, because there are times when it is determined that the person you are dating/courting/considering for marriage is no longer meeting the expectations or qualifications necessary to continue with the relationship. Will you obey the voice of God and walk away? Or, will you ignore the voice of God and regret the decision later? To compromise now, is to compromise for a lifetime. To ignore the voice of God in this season, will perpetuate future seasons of despair, disgust and depression. Trust me. I have been there and it’s not worth it. The enemy will torment you with thoughts of discouragement and shame. During our courtship and engagement process, we really tried to allow God to speak to us independently, despite being enamored by the sparkle of marriage and a big wedding. I caution you, do not become so consumed with envisioning and planning a wedding that you neglect your first love and begin to worship the wedding day. I challenge you to walk in such maturity.
One evening after a pretty interesting drama-filled episode involving another young woman, I simply had a real, face to face conversation with Gareth. We had only known each other for a few weeks, and we were still ‘friends’ trying to figure out if we wanted to take our friendship down the road of courtship and exclusivity. Admittedly, Gareth had many women that were in his past, and I was well aware of them. I was cool with that, because I had a full revelation of 2 Corinthians 5:17 which states, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold all things have become new.” He was brand new, with a clean slate as far as I was concerned. My challenge, however, was whether or not he could manage the consequences of his past relationships, such that they didn’t interfere with our potentially new found relationship. That day, I recall feeling upset, confused, irritated and rather annoyed by how another young woman was disrespectful to me, in his presence. I didn’t curse him out. I didn’t curse her out. I didn’t act a fool. I didn’t get nasty. (Never let em’ see you sweat!!!) As a mature woman of God, I engaged him in an honest conversation that evening. I respectfully articulated that I valued the anointing of God on my life and refused to be involved in any petty ‘high-school’ episodes. (Now, I know you are thinking…why did I have to address this issue?) I share this story, because there will be episodes where you will need to operate in honesty and maturity as well. You will need to openly communicate, be firm and unwilling to compromise on what you deserve and how you should be treated. You are worth the wait! In Gareth’s defense, this episode was not his fault (it was the fault of the other young lady and her immature attitude), yet ultimately it became his responsibility. And, as a genuine man of God he took responsibility for that which was not even his fault. He “MAN-ed up”! His respect for the anointing on my life and our friendship caused him to respond with a sincere apology. He vowed to never put me in that situation again. He has since, kept that promise. We established such boundaries early on, and committed to maintain them. This requires real maturity.
It takes real maturity to be able to carefully navigate the waters of such a relationship and recognize that you have areas of your own personal life that require growth, development, and transformation. My relationship with Gareth revealed areas where I needed to work on my attitude, my love walk, my discipline and my selflessness. I had to take a careful inspection of the unsupervised areas of my life. After all, someone was about to come into the innermost parts of my life, my home, my finances, my family and my faith. Was I truly prepared for that? Are you prepared for that? Being single for 34 years created an independent, self-centered, me-driven disposition that needed to be submitted to God and reformed into an inter-dependent, Christ-centered, others-driven disposition. It takes maturity for us to allow the Holy Spirit to come into our hearts and do a work that only He can do. According to Philippians 1:6 MSG, “…there has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God Who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears.” Spiritual maturity is a process that never ends and is necessary for successful relationships.
This excerpt is taken from The Best Sex of My Life: Confessions of A Sexual Purity Revolution by Lindsay Marsh Warren, MD. To purchase this book visitwww.iamworththewait.com
What is the passion that drives you to continue your outreach to help others now that you are married?
I am passionate about my purpose and inspired by the transformed lives impacted by our mission. Worth The Wait Revolution has become such a life-changing movement. I am honored to be a part of what God longs to do in this hour, to revolutionize our generation. These are challenging times, I’m sure we’d all agree on that. However, we are the legacy of people that will stand for righteousness in the midst of the reckless sexploitation of our day. God is equipping those in this generation that choose to be the standard and not a statistic.
Was it hard remaining a 34 year old virgin until marriage?
It was a journey. I usually have to tell people that I didn’t treat my virginity like it was a ‘get out of jail free’ card. People wear virginity like their ‘badge of courage’, but I understood that the blood of Jesus cleansed me and redeemed my life from destruction, just like anyone else. Although I was a virgin until my wedding night, I was formerly involved in sexual sin. I formerly participated in humping, ‘bumping & grinding’ and the ‘foreplay’ that is reserved for marriage. So, I usually have to explain that I was not your ‘average’ virgin. I keep it real and tell people the truth about my past. We need truth. We need honesty. I am transparent about the good and the bad choices I have made. However, after having a personal encounter with God and connecting with my Pastors, Drs. Mike and DeeDee Freeman when I was 18 years old, I can honestly say that I experienced a complete transformation. I became satisfied in my single state. I began to take sexual purity seriously. The ‘renewing of the mind’ process transformed my thinking about male-female relationships and I began to see things differently. I had not kissed a man in 12 years, because I wanted my last ‘first kiss’ to be with my husband, on our wedding day. So, at our wedding on October 30, 2010…..I kissed my husband, Gareth, for the first time. I’m not bragging or trying to act like I was super-holy, but we made a decision to do things differently. We wanted to honor God.
Did you ever find yourself in compromising situations?
Absolutely! Back in the day…as we say, I put myself in several bad situations.
Whether it was on a date with a certain guy, in the car, or just being in the relationship, period; I was not a stranger to compromise. I talk about several of these compromising positions in my first book, The Best Sex of My Life: a guide to purity. I put myself in a very dangerous position my freshman year of college, during Welcome Week. I decided to go to the dorm room of a guy who had 3 other roommates. Then, I proceeded to let my friend abandon me with these 4 men. OMG!! When I look back, I thank God for His grace and mercy. These guys could have raped me or did whatever they wanted to do with me. Thankfully, that did NOT happen. However, I did end up having a ‘satisfaction without penetration’ encounter with a guy I thought was SO FINE, but I barely knew. It was only the second month of my freshman year. Well, to make a long story short, I never heard from him again, after that night. I felt absolutely disgusted with myself. This episode took place before I was taught about being a virtuous woman or the importance of fleeing the appearance of evil. No woman of virtue belongs in an all-male dorm room at 1am…even if nothing is happening. It just looks bad. Thankfully, this was the beginning of the year and I’d just started attending my church, Spirit of Faith Christian Center with my roommate Leslie Taylor (Williams). Little did I know that the Lord was going to totally change my life forever in 1994…through the Word of God.
Isn’t it rare to find someone who is a 30-something virgin? What about the male vs. female virgin ratio?
It’s not as rare as one might think. I was a 34 year old virgin when I got married. Many more people are living sexually pure lives and keeping their virginity until marriage, but until the Worth The Wait Revolution gave them a voice to express their commitment to the Lord…..they have been silent. Silent, lonely and at times, very frustrated with God. I think Worth The Wait Revolution has given us a strong, powerful, uncompromising voice for sexual purity. Consequently, more people practicing purity are coming forward. The stigma and embarrassment has been erased. I find that more female virgins exist because of the tremendous pressure placed upon men in this culture to perform sexually, acquire multiple women and be perceived as a ‘player’. Therefore, traditionally young men tend to compromise because the same standard of purity that is generally embraced for women of most cultures is widely rejected for most men of the same cultures. The double standard is a real obstacle and then further pressure is placed on a young man to prove that he is not homosexual/gay. Despite all this, we have an amazing group of young men that are virgins or re-committed to purity. Our very own Jeff Tyler married his bride Jennifer, as a 30-year old virgin. Our very own Donnell Baldwin married as a 33 year-old-virgin, his bride Courtney- also a virgin. Chandini and Kenny committed to purity until their wedding day in September 2012, just like Chris & NaTasha in October 2010 and Johnetta & Marcus in November 2010. These are just a few of the Worth The Wait Revolution young men who have walked in sexual purity. The examples of sexual purity do exist they just need to be embraced. It is highly important for young men and woman to root their self-esteem in the Word of God, instead of these sexually charged images and stereotypes projected by our media.
Starting a professional career so early in life, did you ever feel anxious about getting married and having a family?
Honestly, medical school and residency was pretty intense. My focus on academics and ministry kept me pretty busy. Yet, I had feelings of anxiety and loneliness at times. However, I recognized the season I was in and I had to maximize my season of singleness. I always desired marriage. I come from a close-knit group of 3 siblings. My mom and dad always emphasized the importance of family. At times I felt anxious but I had to remember to cast my cares and trust God to give me the desires of my heart. I knew what I liked and I was not willing to compromise on God’s best plan for my life. I think men and women get to a certain age or a certain crossroad in life and decide to ‘settle’ for less. They begin to date people that aren’t even committed to God, let alone walking in sexual purity. On the other hand, there is a group of people that want God to bring them ‘the best spouse’ despite the fact that they are actually ‘average’ marriage material. So, I challenged myself by expecting the best, while pushing to actually qualify for God’s best. When Gareth showed up in February 2009, I was mature enough to handle ‘God’s best’, because I maximized my single years, instead of wasting them.
Can someone become a “Born again Virgin”? Is it really possible?
As we know, virginity is not something that you can get back, physically. However, spiritually, the blood of Jesus can cleanse us of all unrighteousness, fully restore us and rebuild that which was lost, stolen or taken (for those who have been sexually violated). Regardless of your past, you can be forgiven, healed and restored. The scripture in 2 Corinthians 5:17 is clear, “If any man be in Christ, He is new creature, all old things have passed away, behold all things have become new.” God is so faithful to forgive us, simply because He chooses to. He chooses to love us and nothing am separate us from that love. Nothing from our past can keep us from His great love and His amazing plan for our lives. Glory to God! So, restoration is possible for each and every one of us. Absolutely! I want to clarify something. Worth The Wait Revolution is not just a group for ‘virgins’…but it’s a group for everybody. Anyone who desires to join the REVOLUTION, is welcome to link up with this movement for sexual purity. We are MANY members, but…..ONE REVOLUTION!
What are some tips that people can use to stay out of the “hot spot”?
I give a lesson entitled, “10 Choices To Keep You Out of Trouble”. It summarizes my top 10 choices that equip people to stay far from the ‘hot spot’. Tip 1: Guard You Heart! When will we ever be honest with ourselves about the music we listen to, the movies we watch, the videos, pornography, internet images, and media influences that we ingest from this booty-licious culture? I am selective (not anal) about my listening and viewing pleasure. I am not super-saved, but I ‘keep it real’ about knowing my limits and what ‘provokes my flesh’. I am honest with myself about the power of music and the power of images, whether pornographic or in a video. I was this way as a single person and I’m still this way as a married person. The process of guarding your heart continues. Christine Caine says,”…when you are excellent in singleness, you will be brilliant in marriage.” There are certain principles we must learn that will benefit us throughout our entire lifetime.
Before I met my husband I was, at various times, preoccupied with other guys who I thought, were my husband. You know how we do, ladies! We RUN with it! If we think someone is our husband (ladies) or our wife (fellas), we RUN with it!! We jump in! Head first!! Have you ever heard of the movie, “He’s Just Not That Into You”? Well, one particular guy was just not that into me. What a newsflash. Can you believe it? Me? Yes, me! As singles, I know we walk by faith but sometimes we get beyond the faith process and enter into foolishness and presumption. I regret wasting so much time, consumed by the ‘idea’ of relationships that proved to be fruitless. I was never physically involved with these guys, but I wish I could get back the time I spent on the phone calls, emails, text messages, planning and day-dreaming. Sometimes, we need to learn how to stop stalking people. (I’ve been there. Don’t get mad at me. I love you and because I love you, I must tell you the truth. Real relationships do not require stalking on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram.)
Honestly, I’m so thankful that the Lord did not allow me to go down those paths, because sometimes the person that we envision to be ‘the one’ is quite frankly, ‘the wrong one’ on so many levels. They are totally wrong for our mission, wrong for our mandate and wrong for our spiritual maturity in Christ. Furthermore, if someone does not recognize your worth and value, they are not worthy of your time and affection. Sometimes, we are so blinded by our relationship ambitions that we fail to recognize when someone may not be a great match. We make excuses for their shortcomings, inconsistencies and lack of spiritual discipline. We rationalize their behaviors and ignore their ‘issues’. This is an unhealthy, unacceptable way to navigate the relationship waters as a Christian that truly desires to please the Lord. The longer we waste time with the imposters and decoys, the longer we delay our true love.
This excerpt was taken from The Best Sex of My Life: Confessions of A Sexual Purity Revolution
Author: Lindsay Marsh Warren, MD.
To purchase this book click here