Frequently Asked Questions…

1 Feb 2013

Frequently Asked Questions…

What is the passion that drives you to continue your outreach to help others now that you are married?

I am passionate about my purpose and inspired by the transformed lives impacted by our mission. Worth The Wait Revolution has become such a life-changing movement. I am honored to be a part of what God longs to do in this hour, to revolutionize our generation.  These are challenging times, I’m sure we’d all agree on that.  However, we are the legacy of people that will stand for righteousness in the midst of the reckless sexploitation of our day. God is equipping those in this generation that choose to be the standard and not a statistic.

Was it hard remaining a 34 year old virgin until marriage?

It was a journey. I usually have to tell people that I didn’t treat my virginity like it was a ‘get out of jail free’ card. People wear virginity like their ‘badge of courage’, but I understood that the blood of Jesus cleansed me and redeemed my life from destruction, just like anyone else. Although I was a virgin until my wedding night, I was formerly involved in sexual sin. I formerly participated in humping, ‘bumping & grinding’ and the ‘foreplay’ that is reserved for marriage. So, I usually have to explain that I was not your ‘average’ virgin. I keep it real and tell people the truth about my past.  We need truth. We need honesty. I am transparent about the good and the bad choices I have made.  However, after having a personal encounter with God and connecting with my Pastors, Drs. Mike and DeeDee Freeman when I was 18 years old, I can honestly say that I experienced a complete transformation. I became satisfied in my single state. I began to take sexual purity seriously.  The ‘renewing of the mind’ process transformed my thinking about male-female relationships and I began to see things differently.  I had not kissed a man in 12 years, because I wanted my last ‘first kiss’ to be with my husband, on our wedding day. So, at our wedding on October 30, 2010…..I kissed my husband, Gareth, for the first time. I’m not bragging or trying to act like I was super-holy, but we made a decision to do things differently. We wanted to honor God.

Did you ever find yourself in compromising situations?

Absolutely! Back in the day…as we say, I put myself in several bad situations.

Whether it was on a date with a certain guy, in the car, or just being in the relationship, period; I was not a stranger to compromise.  I talk about several of these compromising positions in my first book, The Best Sex of My Life: a guide to purity.  I put myself in a very dangerous position my freshman year of college, during Welcome Week. I decided to go to the dorm room of a guy who had 3 other roommates. Then, I proceeded to let my friend abandon me with these 4 men. OMG!!  When I look back, I thank God for His grace and mercy. These guys could have raped me or did whatever they wanted to do with me. Thankfully, that did NOT happen. However, I did end up having a ‘satisfaction without penetration’ encounter with a guy I thought was SO FINE, but I barely knew. It was only the second month of my freshman year. Well, to make a long story short, I never heard from him again, after that night. I felt absolutely disgusted with myself. This episode took place before I was taught about being a virtuous woman or the importance of fleeing the appearance of evil. No woman of virtue belongs in an all-male dorm room at 1am…even if nothing is happening. It just looks bad.  Thankfully, this was the beginning of the year and I’d just started attending my church, Spirit of Faith Christian Center with my roommate Leslie Taylor (Williams). Little did I know that the Lord was going to totally change my life forever in 1994…through the Word of God.

Isn’t it rare to find someone who is a 30-something virgin? What about the male vs. female virgin ratio?

It’s not as rare as one might think. I was a 34 year old virgin when I got married. Many more people are living sexually pure lives and keeping their virginity until marriage, but until the Worth The Wait Revolution gave them a voice to express their commitment to the Lord…..they have been silent. Silent, lonely and at times, very frustrated with God. I think Worth The Wait Revolution has given us a strong, powerful, uncompromising voice for sexual purity. Consequently, more people practicing purity are coming forward. The stigma and embarrassment has been erased.  I find that more female virgins exist because of the tremendous pressure placed upon men in this culture to perform sexually, acquire multiple women and be perceived as a ‘player’.  Therefore, traditionally young men tend to compromise because the same standard of purity that is generally embraced for women of most cultures is widely rejected for most men of the same cultures. The double standard is a real obstacle and then further pressure is placed on a young man to prove that he is not homosexual/gay. Despite all this, we have an amazing group of young men that are virgins or re-committed to purity. Our very own Jeff Tyler married his bride Jennifer, as a 30-year old virgin. Our very own Donnell Baldwin married as a 33 year-old-virgin, his bride Courtney- also a virgin.  Chandini and Kenny committed to purity until their wedding day in September 2012, just like Chris & NaTasha in October 2010 and Johnetta & Marcus in November 2010.   These are just a few of the Worth The Wait Revolution young men who have walked in sexual purity. The examples of sexual purity do exist they just need to be embraced. It is highly important for young men and woman to root their self-esteem in the Word of God, instead of these sexually charged images and stereotypes projected by our media.

Starting a professional career so early in life, did you ever feel anxious about getting married and having a family?

Honestly, medical school and residency was pretty intense.  My focus on academics and ministry kept me pretty busy. Yet, I had feelings of anxiety and loneliness at times.  However, I recognized the season I was in and I had to maximize my season of singleness.  I always desired marriage. I come from a close-knit group of 3 siblings. My mom and dad always emphasized the importance of family.  At times I felt anxious but I had to remember to cast my cares and trust God to give me the desires of my heart. I knew what I liked and I was not willing to compromise on God’s best plan for my life.  I think men and women get to a certain age or a certain crossroad in life and decide to ‘settle’ for less. They begin to date people that aren’t even committed to God, let alone walking in sexual purity.  On the other hand, there is a group of people that want God to bring them ‘the best spouse’ despite the fact that they are actually ‘average’ marriage material.  So, I challenged myself by expecting the best, while pushing to actually qualify for God’s best. When Gareth showed up in February 2009, I was mature enough to handle ‘God’s best’, because I maximized my single years, instead of wasting them.

Can someone become a “Born again Virgin”? Is it really possible?

As we know, virginity is not something that you can get back, physically. However, spiritually, the blood of Jesus can cleanse us of all unrighteousness, fully restore us and rebuild that which was lost, stolen or taken (for those who have been sexually violated).  Regardless of your past, you can be forgiven, healed and restored. The scripture in 2 Corinthians 5:17 is clear, “If any man be in Christ, He is new creature, all old things have passed away, behold all things have become new.” God is so faithful to forgive us, simply because He chooses to. He chooses to love us and nothing am separate us from that love. Nothing from our past can keep us from His great love and His amazing plan for our lives. Glory to God! So, restoration is possible for each and every one of us. Absolutely! I want to clarify something. Worth The Wait Revolution is not just a group for ‘virgins’…but it’s a group for everybody. Anyone who desires to join the REVOLUTION, is welcome to link up with this movement for sexual purity. We are MANY members, but…..ONE REVOLUTION!

What are some tips that people can use to stay out of the “hot spot”?

I give a lesson entitled, “10 Choices To Keep You Out of Trouble”. It summarizes my top 10 choices that equip people to stay far from the ‘hot spot’.  Tip 1: Guard You Heart! When will we ever be honest with ourselves about the music we listen to, the movies we watch, the videos, pornography, internet images, and media influences that we ingest from this booty-licious culture?  I am selective (not anal) about my listening and viewing pleasure.  I am not super-saved, but I ‘keep it real’ about knowing my limits and what ‘provokes my flesh’. I am honest with myself about the power of music and the power of images, whether pornographic or in a video.  I was this way as a single person and I’m still this way as a married person.  The process of guarding your heart continues. Christine Caine says,”…when you are excellent in singleness, you will be brilliant in marriage.” There are certain principles we must learn that will benefit us throughout our entire lifetime.

11 Comments
  • Desiree says:

    I have a question….
    Does your revolution promote singleness and marriage alone? Because I’m in a serious relationship that has definitely been a challenge sexually but has helped me grow in my spiritual walk tremendously. I seriously believe God is using my bf to help mold me and remind me of how necessary His mercy is for my life when I do make mistakes. My bf has become my best friend and we both love the Lord and strive for greatness. The devil attempts to get us off track but through every trial and distraction our relationship grows stronger. We are both in college so marriage isn’t really a realistic option at this point in our lives. But of course, after about 4 years of being together, their tends to be a strain to hold back the natural desire to show affection but from our past falls we are becoming more wise of the traps and deceptions Satan sets up for us. So as of now we are finding other ways to show our love until marriage (i.e. exercising together, going out to eat, and just being grateful for each other as a blessing in one another’s life). I have struggled with severe depression and other spiritual attacks so I’m excited with how God is showing me how sweet the little things in life can be. Yet, I do feel out of place as a Christian sometimes because dating just isn’t discussed in a positive light in many cases.

    • admin says:

      Hi sis. We promote sexual purity…whether you are a teen, college student, single or married person. So…I’m so happy you reached out to me. There is nothing wrong with being in a relationship, as long as you know its God’s perfect will for your life. If you have peace from God about it, and your are still maximizing your singleness….its fine. However, for many people…they are unequally yoked– even with another Christian. Furthermore, they get distracted from their purpose, destiny and intimacy with the Lord. The relationship become their ‘god’. So, you have to go before God and be honest with yourself….and decide it your relationship with your boyfriend is what He desires for this season of your life. I would suggest reading my first book…or even the second one with him….and then praying about how to proceed. Thanks for writing…and I hope this helps you in some one. My prayer is that you become totally sold-out and grow in deeper intimacy with the Lord, so that He can reveal to you all that He has planned for you in this season.

      God bless you!!

  • moncler jacken herren…

    wonderful post, thank you….

  • Jackie says:

    Im a 28 year old lady(from Houston, TX) and I admire this ministry and wish there was one down here in Houston. I have never been in a relationship, never been kissed or been out on a date. Society says that something must be wrong with this person but i think that God kept me this way for a reason. Im not perfect I have my shares of skeletons in the closet, I know Im doing the right thing as of keeping myself pure until marriage. I really don’t have a question i just felt like sharing a piece of me, so whoever feels like they are alone out there you’re really not.

    • M says:

      I really love this ministry……so encouraging.

      Jackie I appreciate your comment because I’m 25, a virgin, and basically in the same boat as you. I’m trying to live saved and holy the best way I know how……..and sometimes I do feel as though I’m alone in this walk and even somedays myself think “is something wrong with me?” “God, why hasn’t this or that happened??” ……….. But when I clear my mind and rebuke the enemy – I realize and appreciate God even more for keeping me ……….. I believe that He has something great in store for me and those that keep His word. Thank you for reminding me that I’m not alone.

      • Shantel says:

        Hi M!

        I too was encouraged by Jackie’s post and thank you also for posting. I am on the same page, I too am believing GOD for something Awesome, someone tailored made specifically for me :0) Let’s wait it out and not compromise or settle!

    • admin says:

      Thanks for sharing Jackie. We will be starting small groups in the Spring…so perhaps you can be a part of the WTWR small group community. Stay tuned for more info. Thanks again..

      • Shantel says:

        Hi there!

        I wanted to know when the WTWR small group community would launch.

        Could you please let me know how I can get plugged in?

        My current location: Houston, TX

        Thanks so much!

        • admin says:

          Hi Shantel. Thanks for your comments and support. We will be in toucg regarding the launch of our groups. Thanks for your interest. We are planning a group for Houston. Woohoo! God bless.

    • Shantel says:

      Jackie! Thank you for sharing your post I truly do appreciate the life you’re living. I too am walking out my values and beliefs and am encouraged to know that you are too. I’m a 27 year old Virgin. I moved to Houston a little over a year and a half ago!

      I had a hard day yesterday. I became overwhelmed by my work and activity load and to add to the sitiuation was the reality that my cousin is getting married this month, my twin married last summer and I have no potentials AHHHH! Feeling a little left out and lonely caused me to brake and I had a little crying moment. Yet by the end of the night my spirits where lifted as I went to Bible study and my Pastor was speaking on discouragement and disappointment and how we can not allow those two things to move us from our covenant place. So I found encouragement in your post and wanted to thank you for sharing. :0)

  • Lakeya says:

    I know it was truly GOD that brought me to this website by design when I came across the BET Gospel Channel hours earlier. The host LEXI was speaking about this website called I AM WORTH THE WAIT. After reading the responses and questions I truly feel blessed. As a 36 year old Christian and single professional female who lives a holy, sanctified and pure life unto Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior, it delights my heart to know there are others like myself. A true comfort to know that I am not alone. Although, I was engaged to be married over 11 years ago to my college sweetheart, I realized GOD had different plans for my life and he was not the one GOD ordained to be apart of my future. Since that relationship which was my first I have not been in any other, my focus has been on seeking and fulfilling the destiny GOD has for my life. I know in God’s timing, the Lord will allow my Boaz to find me and it will be a beautiful time and a new transition for my future husband and myself. In the mean time , I consider myself to be not only fortunate, but blessed to not have to deal with a strong libido that others suffer with; however don’t get it twisted I am human and no one is an island. I enjoy having intellectual conversations and debates with the opposite sex. Remember the effectual fervent prayers of the righteous avail much and continue to mediate in the Word of God day and night. Peace & Love.

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