What is the passion that drives you to continue your outreach to help others now that you are married?
I am passionate about my purpose and inspired by the transformed lives impacted by our mission. Worth The Wait Revolution has become such a life-changing movement. I am honored to be a part of what God longs to do in this hour, to revolutionize our generation. These are challenging times, I’m sure we’d all agree on that. However, we are the legacy of people that will stand for righteousness in the midst of the reckless sexploitation of our day. God is equipping those in this generation that choose to be the standard and not a statistic.
Was it hard remaining a 34 year old virgin until marriage?
It was a journey. I usually have to tell people that I didn’t treat my virginity like it was a ‘get out of jail free’ card. People wear virginity like their ‘badge of courage’, but I understood that the blood of Jesus cleansed me and redeemed my life from destruction, just like anyone else. Although I was a virgin until my wedding night, I was formerly involved in sexual sin. I formerly participated in humping, ‘bumping & grinding’ and the ‘foreplay’ that is reserved for marriage. So, I usually have to explain that I was not your ‘average’ virgin. I keep it real and tell people the truth about my past. We need truth. We need honesty. I am transparent about the good and the bad choices I have made. However, after having a personal encounter with God and connecting with my Pastors, Drs. Mike and DeeDee Freeman when I was 18 years old, I can honestly say that I experienced a complete transformation. I became satisfied in my single state. I began to take sexual purity seriously. The ‘renewing of the mind’ process transformed my thinking about male-female relationships and I began to see things differently. I had not kissed a man in 12 years, because I wanted my last ‘first kiss’ to be with my husband, on our wedding day. So, at our wedding on October 30, 2010…..I kissed my husband, Gareth, for the first time. I’m not bragging or trying to act like I was super-holy, but we made a decision to do things differently. We wanted to honor God.
Did you ever find yourself in compromising situations?
Absolutely! Back in the day…as we say, I put myself in several bad situations.
Whether it was on a date with a certain guy, in the car, or just being in the relationship, period; I was not a stranger to compromise. I talk about several of these compromising positions in my first book, The Best Sex of My Life: a guide to purity. I put myself in a very dangerous position my freshman year of college, during Welcome Week. I decided to go to the dorm room of a guy who had 3 other roommates. Then, I proceeded to let my friend abandon me with these 4 men. OMG!! When I look back, I thank God for His grace and mercy. These guys could have raped me or did whatever they wanted to do with me. Thankfully, that did NOT happen. However, I did end up having a ‘satisfaction without penetration’ encounter with a guy I thought was SO FINE, but I barely knew. It was only the second month of my freshman year. Well, to make a long story short, I never heard from him again, after that night. I felt absolutely disgusted with myself. This episode took place before I was taught about being a virtuous woman or the importance of fleeing the appearance of evil. No woman of virtue belongs in an all-male dorm room at 1am…even if nothing is happening. It just looks bad. Thankfully, this was the beginning of the year and I’d just started attending my church, Spirit of Faith Christian Center with my roommate Leslie Taylor (Williams). Little did I know that the Lord was going to totally change my life forever in 1994…through the Word of God.
Isn’t it rare to find someone who is a 30-something virgin? What about the male vs. female virgin ratio?
It’s not as rare as one might think. I was a 34 year old virgin when I got married. Many more people are living sexually pure lives and keeping their virginity until marriage, but until the Worth The Wait Revolution gave them a voice to express their commitment to the Lord…..they have been silent. Silent, lonely and at times, very frustrated with God. I think Worth The Wait Revolution has given us a strong, powerful, uncompromising voice for sexual purity. Consequently, more people practicing purity are coming forward. The stigma and embarrassment has been erased. I find that more female virgins exist because of the tremendous pressure placed upon men in this culture to perform sexually, acquire multiple women and be perceived as a ‘player’. Therefore, traditionally young men tend to compromise because the same standard of purity that is generally embraced for women of most cultures is widely rejected for most men of the same cultures. The double standard is a real obstacle and then further pressure is placed on a young man to prove that he is not homosexual/gay. Despite all this, we have an amazing group of young men that are virgins or re-committed to purity. Our very own Jeff Tyler married his bride Jennifer, as a 30-year old virgin. Our very own Donnell Baldwin married as a 33 year-old-virgin, his bride Courtney- also a virgin. Chandini and Kenny committed to purity until their wedding day in September 2012, just like Chris & NaTasha in October 2010 and Johnetta & Marcus in November 2010. These are just a few of the Worth The Wait Revolution young men who have walked in sexual purity. The examples of sexual purity do exist they just need to be embraced. It is highly important for young men and woman to root their self-esteem in the Word of God, instead of these sexually charged images and stereotypes projected by our media.
Starting a professional career so early in life, did you ever feel anxious about getting married and having a family?
Honestly, medical school and residency was pretty intense. My focus on academics and ministry kept me pretty busy. Yet, I had feelings of anxiety and loneliness at times. However, I recognized the season I was in and I had to maximize my season of singleness. I always desired marriage. I come from a close-knit group of 3 siblings. My mom and dad always emphasized the importance of family. At times I felt anxious but I had to remember to cast my cares and trust God to give me the desires of my heart. I knew what I liked and I was not willing to compromise on God’s best plan for my life. I think men and women get to a certain age or a certain crossroad in life and decide to ‘settle’ for less. They begin to date people that aren’t even committed to God, let alone walking in sexual purity. On the other hand, there is a group of people that want God to bring them ‘the best spouse’ despite the fact that they are actually ‘average’ marriage material. So, I challenged myself by expecting the best, while pushing to actually qualify for God’s best. When Gareth showed up in February 2009, I was mature enough to handle ‘God’s best’, because I maximized my single years, instead of wasting them.
Can someone become a “Born again Virgin”? Is it really possible?
As we know, virginity is not something that you can get back, physically. However, spiritually, the blood of Jesus can cleanse us of all unrighteousness, fully restore us and rebuild that which was lost, stolen or taken (for those who have been sexually violated). Regardless of your past, you can be forgiven, healed and restored. The scripture in 2 Corinthians 5:17 is clear, “If any man be in Christ, He is new creature, all old things have passed away, behold all things have become new.” God is so faithful to forgive us, simply because He chooses to. He chooses to love us and nothing am separate us from that love. Nothing from our past can keep us from His great love and His amazing plan for our lives. Glory to God! So, restoration is possible for each and every one of us. Absolutely! I want to clarify something. Worth The Wait Revolution is not just a group for ‘virgins’…but it’s a group for everybody. Anyone who desires to join the REVOLUTION, is welcome to link up with this movement for sexual purity. We are MANY members, but…..ONE REVOLUTION!
What are some tips that people can use to stay out of the “hot spot”?
I give a lesson entitled, “10 Choices To Keep You Out of Trouble”. It summarizes my top 10 choices that equip people to stay far from the ‘hot spot’. Tip 1: Guard You Heart! When will we ever be honest with ourselves about the music we listen to, the movies we watch, the videos, pornography, internet images, and media influences that we ingest from this booty-licious culture? I am selective (not anal) about my listening and viewing pleasure. I am not super-saved, but I ‘keep it real’ about knowing my limits and what ‘provokes my flesh’. I am honest with myself about the power of music and the power of images, whether pornographic or in a video. I was this way as a single person and I’m still this way as a married person. The process of guarding your heart continues. Christine Caine says,”…when you are excellent in singleness, you will be brilliant in marriage.” There are certain principles we must learn that will benefit us throughout our entire lifetime.